HOPE

What is trust and why is it such a hard thing.
After all my travels and trusting God with food shelter and money.
Why do i have to learn the same thing, again and again.
Like its not good enough just to do once or twice but God asks us to trust Him in everything. Trust Him with our lives.

I am now living in Amsterdam (summer 2010) and I am doing a dutch language test in two days. If i pass i can go to school in Holland. If not, I once again have no idea what to do in life, other than seek the Lord with all that I am.

I am learning how to trust Him again. It was always with the future, but now it feels more personal, so close to home.
I've wanted to study for awhile now and its all dependent on one test.
Yet I still find my self praying.
Not my will but Yours be done.

I wish i could get pushy and demanding with God.
But when ever i get in His face i get overwhelmed by His love and all my reason for wanting anything other than His plan fades.
Crazy how He is such a good father, lover and friend, not to mention all powerful increadible tingeling fearful God.

Yet some how He cares, about where I go in life. How I treat those around me. I can sometimes also feel his love for others like the man sleeping under the bridge that i bike by on my way to work.

I guess it all comes down to Hope. When i look at my future, its so easy to want to grasp something anything to hope on. Because hope keeps us afloat. Yet i feel like God is asking me to let go of my hope of an education and a man to love.
Then I remember what they used to always say in church.
Our hope is in the name of our Lord.
Gods not against my dreams but Hes been challanging to put my hope in Him.
My hope is in the Lord.