scratching the surface?

am i just scratching the surface of life?
Well now that its all said and done, and my life situation changes without my permission.
I feel again left with the choices: give up? move on? stand strong? hold on? new life?
These choices all leave me desperate for direction.

My dad once told me that if i keep investing in only the short term things in life i will only be scratching the surface.

I guess that drove me to long for more in life. Long for a stability that my 'short term mission mentality' never gave me. But also the blessing of seeing the fruits of sharing life with others, of breaking down the walls that we hide behind when its 'short term anyway'.

Staying put isn't easy for me. Sometimes i feel like a caged bird thats usually about the time i start to plan my next trip or my next move across the world. This feeling usually results in laying awake till four in the morning imagining all the possibilities.
I do realized that i really do want to move to the Canadian mountains some day, its the thought that has been in the back of my head all these years. And part of me is at peace with the knowledge that its not an impossible dream. It just needs to come in the right time. Just like the bible says "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven".

God is so good, His faithfulness is increadible.
Some how its hard to trust again. Hard to be motivated.
I find myself as:
Not a student, not working/looking for a job, living in a high rent room, at a dead end...
Feel like a failure, like i havn't come very far from where i was last year.
Even though i know that now i have a legal apartment with two great friends, paperwork finished that figured out all the dutch policies and taxes, i have furnature, cloths and dishes. I even have a laptop. Comparativly it is along way from the suit case i came with. The foundations have been laid. The question is weather i dare build on them. Weather i dare continue to invest in this place.

I started writing this without knowing the answer.
But now its become clear.
I want to be 100% where i am right now until the Lord calls me on.
May the Lord be glorified in North Amsterdam through my life.