Crash

Wow so two weeks ago I had a burn out. On night I just had a bit of a mental breakdown. Not being able to control my emotions I began to have to process everything I've been involved in this past year. I realized that I haven't taken a break in a year. No vacation. Really no time to myself, I did Youth Works last summer starting at the end of May and I started that right after my two jobs. Then I came straight here. And it wears on you. I've been involved in this ministry for over seven months. So I got some sick days.
At first I went to my aunt and uncles home in Ede where I felt at home. Having their beautiful home to myself during the day and enjoyed my loving family around me at night. Got some good counseling and talks with my aunt (mothers sister). Wow I had alot to go through but that was a good place to do it. Taking walks in the forest was a regular with their family dog names Lara.
I went back to the Shelter after three days and tried function properly. I could just put my work face on but I knew I wasn't done yet. I knew God wasn't done teaching me and pointing things out in my life yet. So I had an intense meeting with my manager and really realized things I need to work on and ways I need to change in my day to day life and interacting with the people i work with. She gave me four more days off. This time I went to Zwolle where I stayed at a farm just outside the city. It was beautiful, stayed with an older couple (age of my parents) it was incredibly peaceful and quiet. I was faced more and more with myself and God showed me Himself as the way out of my cycles. I found freedom and forgiveness in Him. On the last day He really spoke to me about my future and gave me confidence and security.
One chapter in the bible God kept bringing me to was John 15:1-17. Reminding me to remain in Him in His love and apart from Him I can do nothing.
Also a CD that comforted and spoke out my heart during this time was Shawn Mcdonald's CD called Live In Seattle.
I also learned alot from the books, 'living on the devil's door step', 'Irresistible Revolution' and 'when people are big and God is small'.
Here are some Photos of my time on the farm near Zwolle.
(relaxing country side)
(cows)


(Quira and Mrs. Knol)
This next peice is something I wrote at the end of my processing speaking out to God my heart. Giving real reason for following Him with a full heart and also proclaiming truth and breaking lies i belived about prayer, scripture and worship. God is an awesome God.

I Am, not what I am not, nor I should be. I Am God's child, servant and friend. I Am called. I Am a lover of people; broken, rich, whole or poor. I Am, not what i do or don't do. That is not how i define myself as. - I long to pray more and I know that doesn't make me more holy or wise, just more connected with my Father, Lover, and Friend. I want a hunger for the word (bible) not so i can show off my wisdom, knowledge, or acomplishments but so i can know my Father, Lover, and Friend in a deeper way. I long to worship to a fuller extent of passion and freedom. To be inspired to lay it all befor the cross and give glory to my Father, Lover and Friend. -> Maybe through my closness to Him I'll be able to function as His daughter in the broken world. Love as unconditionaly as my Father, Lover and Friend. Forgive as readily as i've experianced in my Father, Lover, and Friend. Maybe i could be filled with a strenthening joy that brings life to those around me. Joy that inspires life through my Father, Lover and Friend. -> Through my relationship with Him I have been made complete and whole. He is delighting in me and loves it when I take time to delight in Him, He is such a faithful Father, Lover and Friend.